rehearsing for summer
Months ago, I served as a chaperone for my daughter’s field trip. I took this picture as a way of congratulating myself for recognizing what scaffolds I would need to support me showing up aligned with my intention – to be in the moment with my daughter as she experienced her first ever field trip…as I entered into her space with the companions who fill her daily life. I was quite clear that a 45-minute ride on a school bus with 100 first-time-school-bus-riding third graders was not going to support me in meeting my intention. I opted to drive myself. Yay, me!
Today, on the first day post my kiddo’s school year, I sit on the cusp of another potentially fallback-inducing experience – summer. Summer brings with it the promise of less structure, fewer commitments, more adventure. It also brings with it a different schedule every week to navigate, more meals to prepare and clean up, more opportunities for my kids (now 9 and 13) to bicker, more pronouncements of boredom, less control over my physical environment as I share it more hours than not with two kids who seem to lose their observational capacities and sense of agency when it comes to picking up after themselves. In short, nine weeks of summer is a heck of a lot harder to scaffold myself for than a 4-hour field trip.
Yet I somehow feel more prepared for it this time around. I’ve been noticing how these past couple of months, even when we are not in each other’s faces more hours of the day than not, I’m quick to respond without thinking, without listening into the desire underlying the question being posed, the sense being made of the story being told. This noticing has helped me identify which characters are likely to storm the scenes of our summertime madness (Action Jackson, Nope!, The Demanding Teacher, The Curator, Punitive One). I know what they’re coming on stage in protection of (productivity, ease, control, perfection). I’ve been reflecting much on my intentions for how I show up for me, and in relationship to them, now, in this fleeting season of our lives. I’ve been thinking about which characters may need to be positioned in the wings, at the ready, to accompany some of the usual suspects – Pete the Cat, The Muse, Wild, The Disruptor. And I’ve been identifying the props, the scaffolds, that will help cue these supporting actors on the scene – breath, the garden, a more spacious calendar, keeping my office off-limits, pilates, walks, my therapist!
I’m not kidding myself. There are going to be moments of fallback this summer. But, what I’ve come to realize is that because I’m prepared for them, because I’ve cast my ensemble, constructed the set, arranged the props, given attention to the storyline that I wish to write and also appreciated what the outtakes may offer, the likelihood of my fallback happening (at least at the frequency it normally would) is greatly reduced. And, when it does happen, as it inevitably will, I’ll be better equipped to notice it more quickly, connect to the part of me that feels threatened in that moment, and flip the script.
